SOCCER PSYCHOLOGY

Finding Common Ground During Communication

by Jason Vittrup
JVittrup@aol.com
 

      In order to effectively communicate, or to persuade, it is imperative the communicator find common ground. This common ground is the ultimate stimulus for achieving results. When the individual feels as though the same world is shared, she feels more understood, more appreciated. This establishment of common ground is necessary to open the individual to further possibilities.

      There is no greater myth than "opposites attract." While a person might continue to be fascinated with abilities or perspectives he does not have, maintaining a relationship is difficult unless common ground is identified. Few are interested in spending much time with, or listening to, someone who is constantly in opposition.
Much communication (estimated around 55%) is true result of physiology during transference. This includes tone, volume, true number and length of pauses, facial expressions, the amount of eye contact, breathing rate, stance, muscle tension, gestures, speed of delivery, spatial relationships, posture, or any other discernible trait. Body language is a major factor in establishing common ground.

      Dr. Juergen Reusch, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California, is quite adamant about such subconscious dissemination. In his book, "Nonverbal Communications", Dr. Reusch insists that the average human being communicates through some 700,000 nonverbal signals. This is a staggering statistic when one considers how limited many vocabularies are.

      One way of utilizing body language to effectively communicate is through 'mirroring.' In combination with the right selection of words, mirroring creates a rapport that can bind communicators within minutes. People will be so much more accepting of what is said if the largest part of communication - physiology - matches. While words are deciphered consciously, physiology is usually evaluated subconsciously. This connection, developed unnoticed, is very binding.

      In the relationship between the subconscious and the conscious parts of the brain, information must first pass through the subconscious before the conscious can act upon it. The subconscious must first check the information against the information stored in the memory bank. If the information agrees with the self-image, the 'clear' signal is given, and the conscious acts. The subconscious, despite what might seem logical, controls the conscious.

      Every bit of information stored in the subconscious remains. It cannot be destroyed by the conscious. The memory might be ignored, or distorted, but never erased. The findings of Drs. Penfield and Roberts of the Montreal Neurological Institute lend depth to this premise. Penfield and Roberts stimulated a number of patients' brain cells with an electrode, in the expectation that memories stored in the subconscious would be released. To their surprise, the memories not only came back, but were so striking, the patients recalled every detail, including odors, colors, and sounds. The memory was more than just a recollection. It was the actual re-experiencing of the act again!

      The subconscious has no capacity to think for itself. It acts only in mechanistic fashion, fulfilling any request made upon it, regardless of authenticity. It simply follows instructions, and it follows them relentlessly. Therefore, the more the subconscious identifies with the communicator, the greater reception by the conscious.
    
      Mirroring allows the subject to feel as the has found someone 'just like me, " and also gives the mirrorer the ability to experience the same physiology as the subject. Matching physiology enables the mirrorer to "walk" in the other man's "shoes." If a man can understand, say, the muscular tension of another, has he not drawn closer to understanding his thoughts? The most successful communicators continuously use the powerful tool of mirroring. Yet no great communicator began as an instant expert at mirroring. Each practiced various physical traits until she actually began feeling closer to others, closer to success. The best first step a communicator can take to establish common ground is by determining the favorite method of how he represents situations to himself--visually, auditorially, or kinesthetically. With flexibility and practice, the communicator will find reception clearer than ever.

      The potential of establishing common ground goes further, but is possible only when two people communicate in a relaxed manner, seemingly mirrors of each other. Sometimes eliciting this state in others requires patience. Frequently meetings between two people (especially first-time encounters) are filled with tension or anxiety.

     However, excellent opportunities arise when discussing matters with a parent or interviewing for a job, trying to develop a better relationship with a particularly difficult player or soliciting an advertisement for a team program. All these situations involve developing rapport in an effort to elicit a desired response.

      An even more powerful communication exists when it is possible to actually direct circumstances. This is known as leading. After successfully creating rapport through mirroring, the communicator can actually "take the reins" and set the tempo or pace himself. Change can be initiated through the power of rapport. Subtle gestures, shifting posture, speech patterns, etc. can elegantly direct the process into an avenue more conducive to agreement. But the entire technique is dependant upon the communicator's ability to employ flexibility.

      The most persuasive people constantly try different avenues until a connection is made. If the idea falters, the fault was not necessarily in the message. Often the method of delivery failed. Developing rapport, mirroring, pacing, and leading, are all excellent methods of getting that message through the barriers, into a receptive mind.

 

Jason Vittrup is the former Director of Coaching for the Alabama Youth Soccer Association and is currently living in Boise, Idaho and is the director of coaching for the Les Bois United Girls' Soccer Club.

Created: 12/20/99
Last Updated: 03/26/07

Since February 24, 1999
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